Saturday, June 1, 2013

Hello all.....I've been here the whole time, just not writing....


Hello friends. I have been here the entire time but things in my life have been, what?.... Negative? Sad? Overwhelming? I don't know how to say it except I haven't been writing because a heavy mood has been hanging over me. I tried to write a post here and there, but they felt fake, superfluous, or too cheery so I didn't post them. Have you ever had that happen? Life gets to you and you try to "Fake it til you make it"?  Maybe life has been balanced, productive and positive there... I hope so. Suffice it to say that a mood shift has blown some fresh air into my creative place, so here goes....

First, a thank you the friends and family who patiently listen to me. I know I have been inert and disappointing to some of you, thank you for your tolerance. One friend needs to be given a special title, something like "She who lures the introvert back to humanity"? My knitting friend Sarah has working her magic again. If you recall, she was the one who urged me to road trip it to Biddeford and the opening celebration of the Saco River Dyehouse and Yarn shop. I must have said a dozen times that day, "Imagine, I was going to stay home and watch Downton Abbey again, while endlessly knitting". We had such fun, we met new friends, bought cool yarn from the sale room, toured the Dyehouse, met the Great White Bale, and got to that fiber-y place of bliss. She also encouraged me to join her at the Amy Herzog Knit to Fit book launch later that evening. It was a room filled with such amazing energy and fun. I have pictures and a story to share if you don't mind old news. Check back Monday for a recap of meeting Amy, getting a nice photo taken, and having Amy's friends do a professional measuring job.

On this summery Saturday,  I sit near my window, lulled by the birds singing, and soccer kids heading down to practice. I am listening to podcasts, working on the last few rows of a wool WIP that stands between me and some linen I want to cast on. The shift in my outlook on life is palpable. I have Sarah and some new acquaintances to thank. I feel such indebtedness to them for helping me regain my balance, and heavy gratitude to Deb especially, for helping me see that the potential for happiness does exist right there at my fingertips. The mantra will be "Do what you love, and screw the rest".

I am the perennial recluse, especially when the "gloomies" hang overhead. On Wednesday, Sarah urged me to join the impromptu get together at Jen's, another member of my knitting group. As we walked to the Navy Yard, I dreaded the thought of being Debbie Downer, of dragging everyone down if I started on the crap that has filled my head and psyche these many weeks. Challenges at work, ethical seesawing on what to do and how to advocate for myself and a student, the looming foray into single home ownership, and the busy-ness of a house again full with grown offspring. Ugh. Can I sit separate from everyone?

Well, maybe it was the bruschetta that did it, or the gorgeous view of the harbor and my beloved tugboats docked across the bay, but more likely, it was the warm welcome extended by friends, both new and old. I sometimes feel like I need to be wrapped in soft flannel, like the silver serving pieces so cherished by my mum, nestled in a soft, warm place, away from harm, secluded from the harsh glare of reality and the worries (Do silver serving spoons worry? No, I didn't think so).   That was how I felt that evening. Nestled, sheltered, and heard. (I know, my silverware analogy is weakening).

In meeting new friends, and hearing the not so stern admonishment to excise "should" and "but" from my vocabulary, I was stung by rejuvenation. The urging to bravely discern what will make me happy in the realm of work, and chase after it with renewed fervor had me reevaluating how I think and what I choose to spend my time and energy on. I know the elephant needs to be devoured one bite at a time and the goals I want to achieve will be obtained in steady, forward motion. I feel invigorated to jump back in and tackle things from a new vantage point. Work, personal life, blogging, a possible dipping of the toe into a small business, all of these things are spread before me, inviting and tempting as the bruschetta served at the small gathering.  I'm back, even though I have been here the entire time.

Knock, knock, knock. Are you still there? Are you still reading this self-indulgent sharing of my personal  evolution? If so, phew! Thanks for standing by. Now to things of the knitting realm.

Podcasts
I found something I think you might enjoy. A new podcast! I know, you must be muttering...."What is it with this chick and podcasts?" Am I right? Sorry, I don't really watch TV. I am nearly inseparable from my Macbook and iPad. We are simpatico, you know? I knit. I listen. I see new patterns, yarns and project bags. I dream of joining in on some of the knitting retreats they speak of. How can that be a bad thing?

Pick Up and Purl, podcast
12oz Beehouse, blog
Spencer lives in the other Portland, that is, the one in Oregon. She does a brief, thirty minute podcast and shares her WIPs, acquisitions, and project bags. I love her energy, and that she follows many of the podcasters that I love. She knits from many of the designers that I admire, and she is an aficionado of Quince and Co. and Fat Squirrel Fiber yarns.  Copacetic for sure. There are only five episodes at this time, so go back and start at the beginning. And check out her dogs, so cute.

She has a Ravelry group, KALs and in episode three, she shares the link to a new knitter video she put on her blog page. If you have friends who have not yet been converted to the craft, direct them there. They will thank you later. The other thing to know is this girl has some awesome dresses in fabrics that you will covet, check out the blog for lots of photos, dresses that sport scissors, feathers and dachshunds in the prints.

Well, that's all for now. Tomorrow I will share my WIPs, FOs and recent acquisitions.

4 comments:

Evelyn said...

It's so nice to see you back on your blog, Erin. I owe you a pm which I'll send today but in the meantime, for now, for here, I just want to say that sometimes our reclusive selfs need that quiet to balance our souls, hearts, and minds. Thanks for the new podcast ... can't wait to listen.

Gracey is not my name.... said...

Sometimes we just need to take that time...believe me I have always said I'd make a good hermit...

and we have 13 1/2 days left and it can't come soon enough, it's been an extremely rough year for me...

Mel said...

Glad to read your thoughts. I have been missing you! Seeing this made me smile for what lies ahead

elns said...

Glad you're back. It sounds like you are finding your way and you have a lot of good things going on, but mainly a lot of good. I am sure your post spoke to many others the way it spoke to me, especially the "should" and "but" part. It made me feel better. Thanks for that.